Murder Hypothesis and Regret (Reanna)

[mint_phalanx]

I wish I could write to Chester about the Murder Hypothesis on my monthly journals to him on DeviantArt, but I'm afraid it'll cause more conflict to a watcher who accepts it. I call it an hypothesis, but that's me stopping short of calling it a conspiracy theory. (When I first encountered it around the month after Chester's death, it was a conspiracy theory that he was murdered for trying to stop a pedophile ring. I'm NOT saying those don't exist; I'm saying that's obviously not what happened.)

I coined the term "Murder Hypothesis" after the discredited Witch-Cult Hypothesis. Likewise, I call his accepted death Suicide Theory. I coined that after a scientific theory, which becomes one after enough experiments create the same results as the hypothesis.
 

The person who accepts the Murder Hypothesis told me one day that Chester was found with two half-empty bottles of beer. Chester was an alcoholic, so according to her logic, both of them should be empty. But they weren't. She said that was proof of someone else. F.M. was thinking about that one day and thought he may have been drinking both of them at once for the same reason: alcoholic.

Also, what reason would the coroner have to keep the alleged murder hidden from his family let alone an entire fanbase? If he were murdered, the coroner would identify it as such because they have training. (I'm hand-waving this, so correct me if I'm wrong.) The coroner lying about the cause of Chester's death creates more questions. Why would they lie? How would the murderer get them to lie? How will the coroner prevent the murder from being discovered? How would the murderer and coroner keep it up for nearly five years?

The second question could be answered by saying the murderer bribed the coroner to lie. But that doesn't answer the question on how they would be able to lie about Chester's death for so long.

Another alternative could be that Chester was murdered, and the coroner misidentified it as a suicide. Then, that creates questions about how the murder would have made it look like a suicide without leaving signs foul play. That question could be answered by saying they bribed investigators. But there are a lot of people involved in an investigation, so how would the murderer get them to shut up for nearly five years? How would the investigators keep the truth from coming out? By destroying evidence? But destroying evidence for an investigation is illegal and can also do the exact opposite of hiding. Why would people accept this hypothesis?

Denial. Some people are in so much denial about Chester Bennington's suicide that they're willing to accept an alternative, a reason to blame someone else. They can't accept that Chester would kill himself. They can't accept that his fucked up past can hurt him like this. They can't accept that Chris Cornell's suicide may have been the straw that broke the camel's back. (He's usually part of the Murder Hypothesis.) They can't accept that he tried to kill himself a year before he completed it. They can't accept that we didn't see any signs.

I only accepted that the Christian God was telling me something was wrong one year after he died. You see, when I first listened to One More Light, I felt something was off. I thought someone was going to die. I kept imagining Chester, but I couldn't wrap around it being just him. So, I made up scenarios like Linkin Park getting in a tour bus crash or someone shooting him and Mike. I even brushed it off as anxiety. Every time I would see a picture of him with a finger pistol to his head, I would think, "are you okay? Are you suicidal?" I even told myself that he wasn't anymore.

I wanted to share my concerns on DeviantArt, but I didn't because I thought people would see me as overreacting or an attention-seeker. I regret that. I could have said, "is Chester okay? I'm worried about him" then elaborate that I was worried he was suicidal. But I didn't. I didn't say shit. I just kept it inside and ignored it. I lied to myself and said that he was okay. Now, Chester's dead. Now, I'm stuck not trusting Mike. I didn't realize I knew until October of 2018 because I was distracted by grief and school. I told my sister before I told DeviantArt.

Come to think about it, that user accepting the Murder Hypothesis goes against my personal experience. It goes against what the Christian God was telling me. It goes against my worry, my lesson learned. It goes against my regret. It goes against Suicide Theory. I'm sitting here fighting tears writing this and regretting my silence, and she's taking photos while thinking Chester was murdered. E.A. and Chaz were fronting when she told us in the comments section of my October 2021 journal entry. They froze and became anxious. I probably would have done the same thing. I remember hoping it was a joke. It wasn't. I call it the Murder Hypothesis, stopping short of calling it a conspiracy theory. To this day, I try to avoid talking about it.

I remember telling F.M., and he said, "that explains why she was angry [at Mike and accusing the fandom for treating Chaz as a suicide messiah.]" Then, he told me not to mock her personal belief because it's just her being in denial and to let her cope. That's why I avoid talking about it. (I also did a cartomancy reading and got a four of spades, which means conflict from words [or something like that.] Maybe it was warning me about the possible consequences of sharing the fanfic inspired by that comment.)

I was thinking about it early this morning and needed to get it off my chest. I know it led to a longer drabble about my regret and when we first learned about it. We couldn't accept that the user would accept a conspiracy theory, a Murder Hypothesis. Actually, the fanfic is supposed to me trying to process it. I'll delete it and share it on Wattpad.

P.S. That sentence about my first encounter with the Murder Hypothesis was supposed to say "I'm not saying." Oops.