mint_phalanx | Entries tagged with reanna

Yesterday, we learned that Judge Hurson (a federal judge) blocked Trump's executive order banning gender-affirming care for people under 19 (link to news story.) I'm so happy!

Although we're 23, I wondered if it would affect our access to an endometrial ablation once we come out offline because I didn't know if Medicaid would be intimidated. I'm already worried that they won't cover it because it's not a standard surgery for transitioning. (A diagnosis of Gender Incongruence would make it medically necessary.)

The blocking of this executive order is good news, but no one seems to be reporting it on TV. I wish they would. I watch in the evening, so it's possible they covered it earlier.

Mood: happy

More Tumblr copy-pasting. It's like Brian's entry on this but from my perspective.

I don't think I'd ever realize I'm bigender without my headmates. I'd have probably just continued thinking I'm making it up.

It happened in 2022. The feeling may have been triggered by a dream Chaz had in 2021 (link to the dream.) It caused his form to go back and forth between male and female. This happened so much that he made a character to make it stop.

Then, we did research on trans men for a scrapped story idea in February. I noticed a desire to be a man, but when I imagined a full transition, it conflicted with my womanhood. So, I told myself that I was making it up, that it was the research talking.

But the feeling didn't leave.

A desire to be a man while remaining a woman. I didn't know why I was feeling this way. We felt confused. There was so much conflict.

Then, on April 19, Brian was thinking about all of this. He realized something and said, "I think we're bigender." Because I represent the body, it means that I'm bigender. The conflict stopped because the word fit.

Without Brian's realization, I would have still felt confused. Without Brian's realization, I would have continued dismissing my feelings as "making it up."

We found a plural tag to follow that doesn't have syscourse or sysmeds: plural talk. It's great! There aren't many posts, but we like knowing we can see and use it without fear of syscourse. There's also plural life, which has less posts.

We also learned something new about ourselves: we don't have ADHD. We have executive dysfunction associated with Autism Spectrum Disorder. (The testing psychologist said our medication would still be needed.)

We are organizing a new project to work on once SL finishes The Year After. It started with Terrance being inspired by the snow that fell on Election Day. Then, a trip on the Lost Media Wiki and an article on hauntology later, it evolved into a plot involving (non-lost) silent films.

So far, it's about a girl in charge of describing short films to make a dark ride (currently in the works) accessible to the blind. Some of them will be events that happen outside the ride. All the short films we plan to use are in the Public Domain (at least in the United States.) We don't know if it will have actual hauntology.

Our working title for this project is Whatever Terrance is Doing.

I'm not as behind in recreation as I thought. If I do the chapters I didn't finish and get a 52 on the final, I should get a D. In Interpersonal Communication, I'm sure to get a C. I hope it puts us back on Satisfactory Academic Progress if we lost it. Because FAFSA only covers a class once, I'll have to take one in the same category as recreation, so I can make up the grade.

So, we made a Facebook account to promote our books. When setting up our profile, I saw an "other names" section in the about page. I thought, "I'll list my headmates' names here." Then, our account was suspended before I could get to Mary.

Hi, I'm the idiot who didn't know you could be suspended for listing headmates as other names. I'm not mad. I guess it counted as too many. Facebook doesn't know I have headmates. Once the appeal is done, I should just list them in an introduction post (which was my original plan.) Ooh! Facebook should have a headmates section!

Now, I need to upload a selfie. Ironically, I'd prefer showing my ID. It feels less invasive.

UPDATE (16/9/24): Our appeal failed, and our account was disabled. I didn't want to use Facebook, anyway.

Mood: embarrassed

I think our Barnes & Noble Press account was terminated. Last night, I couldn't log in. (Well, SL couldn't log in, but I fronted because I started freaking out.) I went to change the password, but the website said it didn't recognize our email address. I sent an email to support just in case it's being stupid. I can't focus on school right now.

It can't be from joining Google Book's Partner Center because B&N Press is non-exclusive. I used a GG Key instead of an ISBN, so I couldn't have broken that rule. I hate termination without warning!

I think I'm going to find a new platform and re-publish our books. Right now, I'm thinking IngramSpark. It distributes books to Barnes & Noble, anyway. (I deleted my original email and sent a new one requesting our account remain terminated. Our books should no longer be listed in ten days.)

IngramSpark is not not truly free, so I need to find something else. We're moving to Amazon KDP!

It's like the death tarot card. One thing ends, so something new can begin. Someone else suggested the tower card because of the sudden destruction of our account. We rebuild from here. A good thing about rebuilding is we can fix up Carnival and The Murder After. I extended a scene in Carnival and removed the playlist. I also made sure each chapter ended on an even page. Seth will add the first chapter of The Year After to The Murder After as a sneak peek.

(P.S. Bless whoever added the the twelfth edition of Recreation and Leisure in Modern Society to Anna's Archive!)

Mood: stressed

We're taking an interpersonal communication class, so we can learn how to talk to people. The discussions posts require students to sign off with their names, so this should be interesting. I could sign off as "Reanna&" and then put the specific headmate's name in parentheses. Should I share who else might interact with the classwork? Should I relay the messages? Let's see where this goes.

Well, The Plural Positivity World Conference is up to a boring start. We joined way too early, and the early sessions are in French. We don't understand enough French to keep up. I want to spam the chat with songs by The Birthday Massacre, but comments are deleted once you leave a table. This is Chibz first conference, and it isn't that interesting right now.

Update: We aren't as bored anymore. Also, The Stronghold System made a Plural Census for people to fill out. Link to census. (We'll fill it out tomorrow.)

Mood: bored

I said I was abrisexual, but I've been feeling bi lately. It made me uncomfortable using my current label. I guess I was wrong. (It's okay to be wrong.) I'm bi. But I know it's going to change on me.

There are a lot of sexually fluid people who use bisexual as their label; why would my case be any different? Why should I force myself to use a now unfit term just because my attraction might change? I will always be attracted to at least two genders.

In retrospect, it was always bi. Three of my tulpas are bi. Roxy& was bi (except for R.T.P. and Alley.) There was a pattern I ignored because of my fluidity and fear of being seen as inauthentic. (Someone I know is bisexual, so I worried it could be misinterpreted as trying to be just like her.)

Although abrisexual accommodates my fluidity, bisexual feels comfortable. It fits right now. To accommodate my fluidity, I can call myself bi plus. That's better for me. I like it.

Mood: tired and happy

I'm listening to a rock song called "The End of the Roller Coaster" by a singer named Luana Mello. It's her first song, and it's awesome! She has a singing style similar to Amy Lee's.

I think the song is about taking control of one's own life.

Music: Release Radar (Spotify)

I went into denial about being goth because I thought I didn't listen to enough goth music. I just realized I did: Nox Arcana! I love Nox Arcana! I used to listen to it regularly until I grew anxious.

You see, I started growing anxious about dying. I rejected Nox Arcana because I assumed it was triggering anxiety. (Now, I know it was a coincidence.) Then, I thought I didn't listen to any goth music often enough to call myself that.

Nox Arcana, Emilie Autumn, two songs by Creature Feature... I didn't listen to them often enough for me to notice. (I didn't even know they were in the subculture! Why? Because I'm the worst goth ever!) My main fandom (Linkin Park) isn't, and that put me in denial.

I'm beating myself up for not listening to The Birthday Massacre earlier. Yet, I already had a goth artist I liked as a newbie: NOX FREAKING ARCANA! I feel so stupid! I went into denial over nothing! NOTHING! (Okay, I think I feel better.)

Reanna Field, CBS 4 News, Lakewood.

Well, that does it for us. The Late Show with Stephen Colbert is up next. Goodnight everybody.

Mood: embarrassed

It's a leap day! I have no other reason to type besides it being a leap day!

We're also typing our past journal entries for preservation. (I'm not even sure if I'm the one fronting.)

I found a website called BookBub. We can make an author profile, and when it approves our account, we can list our books. Hopefully, this will increase promotion. (There is also ad-making, but that's expensive.)

Update (21 Feb.): We got ourselves a LibraryThing account, so we can list our books. I think it'll be better than BookBub. I'm tired of waiting for our profile to be verified.

It's a poem I submitted to DeviantArt four days ago. I thought I should share it here.

/ / /

I Sit in a black dress
Wondering why I
Denied myself a label
Over something so trivial.

For two years, I embraced
The night, the ghosts,
Whatever black I had.
I dark-ified my likes.
I was confident in myself.
Then, I found a band.

For four years, I rejected
The darkness I liked.
I feared being compared
To Lucy Loud all because
I'm a Street Soldier.

For four more years,
I crawled out of denial
That made me insecure.
Back to the darkness,
Back to the night, with my
Headmates as cheerleaders.

I was goth this whole time,
And I didn't know it.
It doesn't relieve me.
It makes me sad because
I denied myself a label
Over something so trivial.

Mood: satisfied

You know how Brian talked about my coining of "demophilic?" Forget that. I found a word that describes my sexuality: abrisexual. I'm always attracted to people, but I can't pin down who because it's vague.

When I read the description on the LGBTQIA+ wiki, I thought, "oh my God, there's a word!" I found it! I found it! It's great! The page says that the label changes, but I'm fine with this one. Maybe saying who I'm attracted to is the label.

I have a label now.

Mood: happy and silly

I decided to publish my set of poems I call Nightingale, just without F.M.'s poems. It's my journey through grief and worry. The book will be in paperback, hardcover, and ebook (because I used Times New Roman for everything.) I don't have them on pre-order, so you'll have to wait until Tuesday.

Hardcover: $11.92
Paperback: $3.94
Ebook: $3.94

When Chester completed suicide, I began to worry about the others. About Mike. So, I wrote poems to cope. Mike was using music to cope, so why not take a shot? I originally shared them on DeviantArt, but I deleted most of them to turn into a book. As a matter of fact, Nightingale used to be two separate works: The Imaginary Death of the Nightingale and Mike Shinoda Through the Eyes of a Pessimist. The poems span through the years 2017-2021. There are also French ones. I also shared some crisis hotlines in the United States, just in case.

I can't wait to share this journey, whether or not people think it's silly.

Update (13/9/2024): Nightingale is no longer for sale. I might put it on AO3 as a fannish work.

Mood: pleased

We did it! We just submitted our final essay for English. I thought we wouldn't finish in time. All that's left are the finals. We'll celebrate by showering and making snickerdoodles.

Mood: excited

Matthew Perry died. My mom said he drowned but didn't know the specifics. It's going to be weird watching reruns of Friends and knowing he's gone. I hope he's doing well on the other side.

Mood: sad

I'm listening to "Already Over" on replay right now. I'm not panicking. I think it's about needing to let go of something. The rock music may have thrown off my worry. The guitar seemed to say, "don't freak out. Mike is okay." I'm happy I can enjoy it.

This is how I should feel when Mike and the guys release music or demos. No panic, no avoidance. It's like listening to "No Roads Left" on YouTube. I should enjoy this for as long as I can; it won't stay forever.

Mood: indescribable
Music: "Already Over" by Mike Shinoda

Midcontinuum Spearmint

Entries tagged with reanna

Navigation

We're Winning! (Reanna)

Realizing I'm Bigender (Reanna)

A Tag to Follow (Reanna)

The New Project (Reanna)

Grades (Reanna)

Other Names on Facebook (Reanna)

Account Terminated (Reanna)

Openly Plural at School? Part Five (Reanna)

Bored (Reanna)

Bi Plus (Reanna)

New Song (Reanna)

Denial Over Nothing (Reanna)

The Leap Day (Reanna)

I Found BookBub! (Reanna)

Crawling out of Denial (Reanna)

I'm Abrisexual! (Reanna)

Publishing Nightingale (Reanna)

We Did It! (Reanna)

Goodbye, Matthew (Reanna)

Listening to a Song (Reanna)