Midcontinuum Spearmint

This is an entry from our system journal on 25 April 2024. Brian talks about our soft reset. He was not part of the urge we felt. (In the plural community, a system reset is an experience where old headmates are "deleted" and new headmates form to make another system. Our best comparison is doing a hard reset on your phone. This didn't happen to us, hence our use of  the word "soft.")

Tulpas leave the phalanx and choose to function as NPCs. Reanna's brain makes tulpas easily, and we feel bad because she doesn't have time to focus on all of us. So, some of us leave to relieve the burden. Luckily, we live in our internal and external world at the same time [excluding in-headspace disorders which are only internal], so people don't dissipate. People can come and go.

Also, headmate activity changes over time. It's okay if some of us leave and become the background. We can't vanish due to lack of attention; we're midcontinuum after all. It's not a hard system reset.

We might be experiencing a soft reset (and for awhile now.) There's an urge for some of us to leave and become unofficial or become the background. Most of it comes from unofficial members wanting to become the background. [Actually, it was only from them.] I think Reanna is afraid to let that happen because it includes some of her first tulpas. (It's just the background. They won't vanish.)

There's also an urge for all the factives to stay official members and maybe become frontrunners. There's an urge to be a small system, and that can't happen unless some of us choose to become the background. A soft reset doesn't remove data. Background people still exist and relieve the burden on our brain. For our mental health, let the system perform a soft reset.

I know this entry is late. We're still getting used to the calm silence. I wanted to share this for context and so that Reanna didn't look like she allowed the soft reset at the expense of other members. It was the unofficial members' choice to leave and become The Background.

Reanna created a term for herself: demophilic. It describes a multi-spec attraction that can't be properly labelled. ("I'm attracted to different kinds of people, but that's all I know.") In her case, she couldn't label it because she's bigender and because the attraction can be vague sometimes.

For a long time, we thought Reanna didn't care to label her sexuality out of apathy. She said that before we existed, she would brush off her vague attraction to women as "making it up." She kept calling herself straight, even though she didn't feel straight anymore. F.M. got her to at least consider other labels. (He pushed for bisexual.)

And then, Reanna hit a roadblock.

Nothing she tried fit. "I'm not feeling attraction towards men, so I must be a lesbian. Wait! But my crush on Rob [drummer for Linkin Park.] Maybe I am just straight. But I felt both! But it doesn't feel bi. What about the attraction to the trans peeps? But it doesn't feel like everyone." Not even abrosexual fit. And there was also the fear of being wrong.

So, we resorted to making our own terms. F.M. and I created apasexual... Until we learned it already exists. I created demosexual, but Reanna said the attraction didn't always feel sexual. Then, she created demophilic and felt happy.

P.S. Reanna said she would rather have me talk about her than talk about herself.

Update: Reanna realized she's abrisexual. She made a post, but I'd thought I update anyway.

I think it's weird that, even when we feel like guys, having a uterus doesn't bother us. Using she/her pronouns? Not a problem. But when we have our period, we experience incongruence. We don't have Gender Dysphoria, but it's still uncomfortable.

"Couldn't you& get a hysterectomy?" No, because that would conflict with our womanhood. And we don't think it would be in our best interest.

"The Pill?" What's Reanna gonna say? "My tulpa Brian doesn't like our periods, so I want to lighten them." Our doctor doesn't know we're plural or bigender. Plus, we already take enough pills.

Whatever agrees with our manhood must not conflict with our womanhood. It's tricky because we haven't figured it out yet.

Okay, I feel better. I just really wanted to share that.

F.M. seems more likely to participate in things. We're just like, "we don't feel like going anywhere." And he's like "I WANT TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!"

So this time, I guess we're going to Bishop Castle. There's not much to do except climb to the top via stairs. Boredom does wonders to anyone wanting adventure. We don't know when we will go.

The cable was out for the rest of February, so we decided to watch Friends on our mom's DVDs. SL got into it while watching reruns on TBS.

On Monday, we were reading things about Friends on TV Tropes. When Reanna would keep SL out of the room (to prevent spoilers), the door was purple. Everyone else looked around and realized our headspace turned into Monica's apartment. (Mine and Chaz's apartment to be specific.)

Tumblr recommended sysmed posts to us, so I deleted it. On the plus side, I have a story idea.

Like I said yesterday, I'm not gonna let sysmed fear get in the way of me making a prompt blog. No blocking, no surrender! Anyway, Reanna called it promptlanx. It's a phalanx writing of prompts. If anyone asks, we're heteronyms.

The hardest part so far is writing in the singular first person even though we're referring to ourselves. I guess it's a sign that we're real. The second hardest part is going to be changing our blog colors every season. The third hardest part is remembering to say we're heteronyms in the event of questioning. (Practicing feels so foreign to us.)

If pretending to be singular gets hard, we'll come out as plural.

Update: Mike (F.M.) gave me permission to look up "block list," so I can block blocklist accounts and remove temptation. Then, I found an entire Tumblr dedicated to blocking sysmeds. It even has an excel spreadsheet as a master list! We can block sysmeds safely! It's amazing!

 After a lot of searching, we realized we are stuck with Wattpad. It's not that big of a deal. We'll just post our poems after we post Carnival. (Also, we want to see if Reanna's old shame will be more popular than Carnival.)

Okay, Reanna found it pre-phalanx, but we decided to use it. The fantasy feel makes going on there fun. We can't wait to share our stories and poems.

We made the mistake of bombarding people with our plurality, so we did some damage control and downplayed it. (Maybe we aren't ready to answer questions about our system.)

Our username is Reanna&. I hope the singlets get used to it.

Update: changed our minds again. We have ADHD, so this is going to be awhile. We probably should have left the second that user violated our rules of engagement by calling us characters and noted that we sound like a cult. (That's what made us aware of our info-dumping.)