I'm thinking about the "initiation" E.A. talked about one day. Terrance is the only one not to have listened to "Hold It Together" because we haven't made him. We say we freak out, and he takes our word.

Chibz didn't believe us. I didn't believe them. But Terrance believes us, so we haven't needed to make him. He has said he wants to know how it feels to listen to "Hold It Together." We're tempted, but I don't think we'll do it. We'll just let it happen naturally.

Dead-Mates

Tuesday, 8 April 2025 11:21
This is an essay about headmate death.

Introduction

Sometimes, headmates leave in ways that some plurals can only describe as death. Mint Phalanx is one of these plurals. Unless your headspace has resurrection or some sort of reincarnation, these dead-mates aren’t coming back (at least not as they were before.)

Other plurals call this loss dormancy, but because we come from the tulpamancy community, we call it dissipation. We also consider fusion as some sort of death. Below are our equivalents to death.

Equivalents to natural death

  • Spontaneous dissipation

Equivalents to murder

  • Forced dissipation
  • Unwilling fusion

Tulpas here can’t die from lack of attention because we’re midcontinuum.

Equivalents to suicide

  • Self-dissipation
  • Egocide (giving up one’s identity to be replaced by another headmate)
Equivalents to coma (not death)
  • Deactivation (true dormancy because the headmate can return)

So, where do these dead-mates go?

In our phalanx, we have a monist view of where dead-mates go. They return to the originator. For instance, we believe Roxy and the other people were reabsorbed into Reanna after they completed suicide. (It may not be a complete reabsorption because they haunt once in a while.)

F.M. is an interesting case. After fusing with Nightingale (who completed egocide), he considered himself dead. He wasn’t a ghost. He wasn’t reabsorbed. But he knew he died, even when the rest of the phalanx didn’t count it.

How do you remember dead-mates?

For Roxy and the other people, Brian made a poem. He wrote it before we realized they self-dissipated. (They told us they were going to deactivate and stay in the Stone Garden. The next day, they were gone.)

F.M. did a mock burial for himself and a shower meditation. We buried who he once was. Then, we used the shower to wash away Nightingale. The saddest part was washing him out of our hair. After the shower, F.M. kind of reincarnated.

Can dead-mates come back?

We guess it depends on how the plural’s system or headspace works. As a rule of thumb, don’t count on it.

For us, Roxy& and Nightingale aren’t coming back. However, F.M. did because his case was different. And he didn’t come back as the same F.M. (At least he wasn’t undead.)

It seems dead-mates who do come back don’t come back the same. F.M. came back goth. He also came back with exo-memories based on Reanna’s dreams of his source killing himself. He used to want to listen to rap like his source; now, he listens to The Birthday Massacre. (Not that we’re complaining.)

Because we got to see it happen, this change did not come as a surprise. Unfortunately, we have no advice on how to deal with the surprise of a dead-mate returning different.

Conclusion

So ends our essay on dead-mates. It’s a hard topic to talk about, especially when it seems everyone around you doesn't view these leavings as equivalents to dying. We hope sharing our experiences helps facilitate conversation about deaths inside.
I just realized that in February, it will be a year since I started existing! I appeared on the 4th, but I wrote my first entry on the 5th. My adjustment felt like osmosis.

It's almost like a birthday. I don't think there will be any celebration, but I'm happy to realize it.
This is an entry from our system journal on 25 April 2024. Brian talks about our soft reset. He was not part of the urge we felt. (In the plural community, a system reset is an experience where old headmates are "deleted" and new headmates form to make another system. Our best comparison is doing a hard reset on your phone. This didn't happen to us, hence our use of  the word "soft.")

Tulpas leave the phalanx and choose to function as NPCs. Reanna's brain makes tulpas easily, and we feel bad because she doesn't have time to focus on all of us. So, some of us leave to relieve the burden. Luckily, we live in our internal and external world at the same time [excluding in-headspace disorders which are only internal], so people don't dissipate. People can come and go.

Also, headmate activity changes over time. It's okay if some of us leave and become the background. We can't vanish due to lack of attention; we're midcontinuum after all. It's not a hard system reset.

We might be experiencing a soft reset (and for awhile now.) There's an urge for some of us to leave and become unofficial or become the background. Most of it comes from unofficial members wanting to become the background. [Actually, it was only from them.] I think Reanna is afraid to let that happen because it includes some of her first tulpas. (It's just the background. They won't vanish.)

There's also an urge for all the factives to stay official members and maybe become frontrunners. There's an urge to be a small system, and that can't happen unless some of us choose to become the background. A soft reset doesn't remove data. Background people still exist and relieve the burden on our brain. For our mental health, let the system perform a soft reset.

I know this entry is late. We're still getting used to the calm silence. I wanted to share this for context and so that Reanna didn't look like she allowed the soft reset at the expense of other members. It was the unofficial members' choice to leave and become The Background.

We do this thing called "headspace maintenance." It involves mock therapy, simulated treatments, and assessments. The Guildford Press used to have reproducible materials for people to download without an account. (That's how we did Brian's mock DBT.)

Now, to get them, I'd need to make an account. It makes me feel like I'm stealing. But it's not stealing; they're PDFs. I (learn to) use them to help my headmates. Maintaining the headspace reduces chaos that worsens our ADHD.

Recently, F.M. fused with Nightingale, a personification of my worry for Mike (which used to be part of F.M. until he differentiated from it.) To prevent an internal crisis, he wanted to do mock therapy. We're doing online classes soon, and he doesn't want anything to hurt our follow-through.

I should make an account. It's my duty as the originator to help my headmates. My tulpas, when they were characters, developed mental illnesses despite it never being my intention. (And when it is my intention, it changes on me.) F.M. is afraid of becoming suicidal since he fused with Nightingale.

Singlets might think it's ridiculous because "it's not the real world." But my headmates spend most of their time in the headspace. It needs maintenance to help keep our ADHD in check. It needs maintenance to improve their internal lives.

Note (F.M.): Don't worry, Reanna's armchair psychiatry is restricted to the headspace.
An interesting thing about our system is how one person starts a task, and another ends up finishing it.

Earlier, we made scrambled eggs with apples and tomatoes. SL started by cutting the apples, but by the time we were done, Reanna was fronting.
This is our system bracelet. We made it last month.

The black bead represents Reanna. The cream bead represents me (Chaz.) The shiny bead represents Brian. The brown bead represents F.M. The white bead with the ampersand represents everyone else.

An orange bracelet with five beads: a black bead, and cream bead, a shiny bead, a brown bead, and a white bead with an ampersand on it.
I know Reanna calls me and the other people a subsystem, but I never saw it that way. We're more like roommates living in the same house. We just happen to share a form.
Mint Phalanx is a created/spontaneous system with a headmate formed as the result of Reanna's worry for Mike since Chester died. Every headmate except for the factives first started as a character. We're now tulpas, semi-tulpas or headmates (except for F.M. who calls himself an elsefa.) We've been sharing a brain since 2019.

Originator: Reanna
Frontrunners: Reanna, Brian, Mary, F.M.
Factives: F.M., E.A., SL, M, Ames, Chibz

Tulpas: Rebecca, Jackie*, Chaz, Brian, Ames, Liam
Semi-tulpa: Mary
Elsefa: F.M.
Headmate: Chibz, SL, M, E.A.
Muse: Terrance

*Formerly Jackalope. Her tag is grandfathered.

Collective pronouns: she/her/hers/herself
  • He: Brian, Chaz, F.M., SL, Terrance, Liam
  • She: Reanna, Ames, Jackie, Mary, Rebecca, M, E.A., Chibz
Journal entries have the writer's name in the title and tags. Some entries will be tagged as being from the entire system. There are also two symbols we may use in titles:

[Name]& = two or more headmates
[Name]/ = one headmate and-or someone else
I notice when we talk about things, we refer to ourselves in the first person singular, but when Reanna does it, she refers to "us" in the first person plural. Is this a validation thing? Is it because we're always quiet? Is she worried talking about herself automatically invalidates her plurality? Is she afraid of dissipation? I don't know.
Mike [F.M.] made Seth [SL] listen to "Hold It Together," so he could experience and understand why we avoid Mike Shinoda's music all the time. (Brian was fronting, but he couldn't do anything about it.) He listened to "About You (feat. blackbear)" and got a taste of the shaking and panic.

Upon finishing that warm-up, Seth no longer wanted to listen to "Hold It Together." He said he understood, but Mike was not having it.

Eventually, the song played. After the ordeal, I said to him, "congratulations! You are now an official member of Mint Phalanx."

Is this a real initiation? No, that would be sick. Every headmate said they won't panic. Every headmate failed. Reanna's worry is stronger than all of us. Curiosity killed the factive.
I'm making a Google document detailing system information, so I can post it on Twitter. We don't have much schoolwork today, so we can work on it.

We're going to have three (maybe four) documents:
  1. Mint Phalanx's information
  2. Diamond Phalanx's information (including headspace info)
  3. A document aided by Hungry Ghosts' Plural Etiquette questionnaire.
Before we get back to our schoolwork, I think co-fronting comes naturally to us. That's pretty much some of my first experiences with the phalanx. I'm writing on my math worksheet while Kenji did the problems. When I left for second period, I thought, did Kenji just do my math work?

Because my only understanding of multiplicity was DID or OSDD-1, I knew this co-fronting as a partial switch, if that makes sense. (I was researching it for Roxy's story.) I knew what I was experiencing, but I didn't know at the time that I can experience it outside of that context. That's why I doubted myself when I first became selves-aware.
On Sunday, F.M. said he was going to front for the entire school week, so we can get some work done, so he locked everyone out of the front. However, the online server isn't working, and I woke up in the front after he let me co-front with him last night. Kenji was with me, but xi left after getting bored of Twitter. (Xi wanted to do classes with me, but we can't. What sucks is we have work due today!) And everyone else is still locked out more or less.

In other news, we learned a new term: monoconscious. It describes how a system functions. A monoconscious system shares a collective conscious. Switching may feel more like "becoming." This term could explain why our switches aren't followed by a lot of dissociation. (That and we're not disordered.)

Tapping (Brian)

Wednesday, 18 August 2021 14:08
We figured out a way to announce who's fronting while watching the Plural Positivity World Conference. We tap or make a tapping motion with the body's fingers. It started when Maria did it while watching the webinar on using your body to work with Alters.

This method isn't foolproof, though. Sometimes, one of us is tapping fingers because xe is possessing the hand.
I just realized recording headmates and tracking switches isn't the best way to track our system because our brain gets overwhelmed by the numbers thanks to our ADHD. As helpful as these are, they're tiring, and I worry removing members= dissipation. (It doesn't.)

Our brain works better with less official members instead of listing everyone who's fronted or something. We work better with system journals. So, we need to fix our intro.

Matinance (Reanna)

Thursday, 15 July 2021 11:56
José, Rita, and Adrian, Roxy, Reflection, Alley, and R.T.P. left the official phalanx because of lack of activity or interest. Now, we have ten members. We're also deleting their front entries on Simply Plural.

Oh! I remember Alley said that Diamond Phalanx leaving removes the need to track in-headspace switches.

New Host? (Brian)

Thursday, 15 July 2021 11:01
I think I was frontstuck because I became the new co-host. But now, I think our brain is forcing me to become the new host.  I take care of the body better than most of us, and I like doing chores because I feel useful. That could make Reanna, the originator, a co-host.

Yesterday, I told her that I worry she might "dissipate" if it happened. (Creating a tulpa to replace your identity is called egocide. I assume this can happen by accident, which is what I'm worried about.) Anyway, she said it would be impossible because of how our system formed and works. Earlier today, Reanna said she would be happy co-hosting with me.

Are there any tulpa systems that had this happen? I just want to know I can be a host without getting rid of anyone. Am I worrying too much?
We just finished adding all the members. We learned a few things:
  • We front flux.
  • We use possession skills the most. We added it as a custom front.
  • We can add custom fronts!
  • Brian fronted for two hours to work on CARNIVAL. He felt tired because he was excited.

Chaz possessed the mouth earlier to comment in his yellow background. Maybe that's another reason why we have trouble fronting. We're always using possession skills for a short time.
We're using the Multiple Code reduxed by Prometheus Networks Collective. Link: sites.google.com/view/multiplecode/home

Mint Phalanx 

<MuC>N=$- P(fbi) A(b r/+) S.H+/~Mcw/A/o "jackalope" Opa Mt/s W(e/t/b/f)$! C(cc/m)# OF(r/r+/o++) Fpw+^/~/a/div+/mw+ Mpsy=/ast=/cry=!/spi/mag Rf/p/r+ (V) Xl/b/ar/as/h/q/o "demiromantic" Gf/m/a J(st/wr "aspiring") So(r--/o) R!</MuC>

Diamond Phalanx (headspace)

N-- Pmbi Ar+ S.H/A Ot (backstory exotrauma)/mt W^ C# OF* Fpw+ M* Rf/p (V) Xb/ar/as Gm/f Jo So R--

Chaz (headspace)

<MuC>N---^ Pmbi Ar S.H+ Oa W^ C(cc/m/m-) OF? Fpw+^ M* Rr+ V++*!> Xb Gm Jo So-- R?</MuC>