mint_phalanx | Entries tagged with the worry

These are entries from our system journal on 9 and 10 July 2025. On the ninth, Terrance describes how he felt while listening to "About You (feat. blackbear)" by Mike Shinoda. It happened to come on that day. On the tenth, he describes how he felt while listening to "Hold It Together" (something he's been wanting to know for awhile.) It happened to come on that day. This entry is not directed to anyone, so it's in the second person.

9 July

You listened to "About You (feat. blackbear.)" It's by Mike Shinoda. Your heart raced. You felt discomfort. You even disconnected a bit. You had trouble thinking. "Hold It Together" must feel worse. Yet, you still want to know.

10 July

You just listened to "Hold It Together." You jumped. Your heart raced. You didn't know what was happening. Your legs shook as you got up to get a drink of water. You kept taking deep breaths. You had to write this, and you felt a little sick afterwards. Your face might still look disturbed.

Now, you know.

We thought it was necessary to share how our body reacts when listening to this song. Some incidents are better than others.

I'm thinking about the "initiation" E.A. talked about one day. Terrance is the only one not to have listened to "Hold It Together" because we haven't made him. We say we freak out, and he takes our word.

Chibz didn't believe us. I didn't believe them. But Terrance believes us, so we haven't needed to make him. He has said he wants to know how it feels to listen to "Hold It Together." We're tempted, but I don't think we'll do it. We'll just let it happen naturally.

I decided to publish my set of poems I call Nightingale, just without F.M.'s poems. It's my journey through grief and worry. The book will be in paperback, hardcover, and ebook (because I used Times New Roman for everything.) I don't have them on pre-order, so you'll have to wait until Tuesday.

Hardcover: $11.92
Paperback: $3.94
Ebook: $3.94

When Chester completed suicide, I began to worry about the others. About Mike. So, I wrote poems to cope. Mike was using music to cope, so why not take a shot? I originally shared them on DeviantArt, but I deleted most of them to turn into a book. As a matter of fact, Nightingale used to be two separate works: The Imaginary Death of the Nightingale and Mike Shinoda Through the Eyes of a Pessimist. The poems span through the years 2017-2021. There are also French ones. I also shared some crisis hotlines in the United States, just in case.

I can't wait to share this journey, whether or not people think it's silly.

Update (13/9/2024): Nightingale is no longer for sale. I might put it on AO3 as a fannish work.

Mood: pleased

I'm listening to "Already Over" on replay right now. I'm not panicking. I think it's about needing to let go of something. The rock music may have thrown off my worry. The guitar seemed to say, "don't freak out. Mike is okay." I'm happy I can enjoy it.

This is how I should feel when Mike and the guys release music or demos. No panic, no avoidance. It's like listening to "No Roads Left" on YouTube. I should enjoy this for as long as I can; it won't stay forever.

Mood: indescribable
Music: "Already Over" by Mike Shinoda

Mike Shinoda is releasing a new song on Friday. It's called "Already Over." The title makes me nervous, and I keep thinking it's going to be "Eleven." I can't even look up his name without getting tense.

Five years ago, I dreamed Mike released a song called "Eleven." It was a suicide note in rap. When he released the video for "Hold It Together" (the song that makes me freak out), I was so anxious I couldn't calm down until I saw it. I freak out every time Mike releases a new song because I don't know what I'll hear, especially after hearing "Hold It Together" for the first time five years ago. I even freaked out when Linkin Park released demos!

On October 6, most fans are gonna be like "I can't wait to listen to Mike's new song!" I'm going to be like "okay, let's get this over with." I'm going to shake. I'm going to latch onto any lyric that confirms my fear. I should be waiting eagerly, not in fear that Mike will be next. Maybe I should cast a protection spell. I were able to listen to his new songs without viewing it as torture.

Normally, venting makes you feel better.

Mood: anxious and a little sad

Mike [F.M.] made Seth [SL] listen to "Hold It Together," so he could experience and understand why we avoid Mike Shinoda's music all the time. (Brian was fronting, but he couldn't do anything about it.) He listened to "About You (feat. blackbear)" and got a taste of the shaking and panic.

Upon finishing that warm-up, Seth no longer wanted to listen to "Hold It Together." He said he understood, but Mike was not having it.

Eventually, the song played. After the ordeal, I said to him, "congratulations! You are now an official member of Mint Phalanx."

Is this a real initiation? No, that would be sick. Every headmate said they won't panic. Every headmate failed. Reanna's worry is stronger than all of us. Curiosity killed the factive.

Mood: blank
Music: Different playlists

Midcontinuum Spearmint

Entries tagged with the worry

Navigation

9 and 10 July 2025 (Terrance)

Unperformed "Initiation" (SL)

Publishing Nightingale (Reanna)

Listening to a Song (Reanna)

Waiting for a Song (Reanna)

The "Initiation" (E.A.)